How can I be of your assistance?
the day I started over
the day I took a few shots, downed a couple beers,
and ended my one month sobriety.
So it’s been 7 days,
and I’m more confident than ever, once again.
Don’t get me wrong,
I’m still fighting constant urges
every second, still fighting my inner demons,
but recovery is possible.
I fucked up a week ago but I’m starting over
this time it’s not forced
this time more aware of my motives
this time more support, solely from myself
And tonight I almost fucked it up.
Fighting with my mom took a bigger tole on me than I realized
when I realized there was gin in my bag, and I wanted to drink it
wanted to open that wrongly marked water bottle and watch the contents disappear
wanted that warm feeling in my stomach,
that blurred vision,
the happy feeling I was so used to months ago.
But I don’t need it.
The battles I was fighting, when I depended on booze the most, are over
and I’m not coping with substances again
I’m determined to prove that I can overcome this disease
and I’m not starting over again.