b10g

5.7.13

vag-fag:

the day I started over

the day I took a few shots, downed a couple beers,

and ended my one month sobriety.

So it’s been 7 days,

and I’m more confident than ever, once again.

Don’t get me wrong,

I’m still fighting constant urges

every second, still fighting my inner demons,

but recovery is possible. 

I fucked up a week ago but I’m starting over

this time it’s not forced

this time more aware of my motives

this time more support, solely from myself

And tonight I almost fucked it up.

Fighting with my mom took a bigger tole on me than I realized

when I realized there was gin in my bag, and I wanted to drink it

wanted to open that wrongly marked water bottle and watch the contents disappear 

wanted that warm feeling in my stomach,

that blurred vision, 

the happy feeling I was so used to months ago.

But I don’t need it.

The battles I was fighting, when I depended on booze the most, are over

and I’m not coping with substances again

I’m determined to prove that I can overcome this disease

and I’m not starting over again.

NEW POSITIVE/HEALING/RECOVERY BLOG

shun-sin-sunshine.tumblr.com

PLEASEEE FOLLOW

Cheerleading Statements for Interpersonal Effectiveness

borderlinerecovered:

This goes along with my previous post about interpersonal effectiveness myths. If you’re ever doubting yourself about asking for help or making a request, remind yourself of the following:

• It is OK to want or need something from someone else.
• I have a choice to ask someone for what I need.
• I can stand it if I don’t get what I want or need.
• The fact that someone says no to my request doesn’t mean I shouled not have asked in the first place.
• If I didn’t get my objectives, that doesn’t mean I didn’t go about it in a skillful way.
• Standing up for myself over “small” things can be just as important as “big” things are to others.
• I can insist on my rights and still be a good person.
• I sometimes have a right to assert myself ever though I may inconvenience others.
• The fact that other people might not be assertive doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be.
• I can understand and validate another person, and still ask for what I want.
• There is no law that says other people’s opinions are more valid than mine.
• I may want to please people I care about, but I don’t have to oplease them all the time.
• Giving, giving, giving is not the be-all of life. I am an important person is this world, too.
• If I refuse to do a favor for people, that doesn’t mean I don’t like them. They will probably understand that, too.
• I am under no obligation to say yes to people simpley because they ask for a favor of me.
• The fact that I say no to someone does not make me a selfish person.
• If I say no to people and they get angry, that does not mean that I should have said yes.
• I can still feel good about myself, even though someone else is annoyed with me.

vag-fag:

Lately, life had taken a turn. I have regained hope and faith but the shit still flows from a once sturdy dam. Yet I’ve stayed afloat and dry from the flood. For I have a friend in this ocean of hell. A north star to guide my way. She’d always been by my side but only recently did our bond resolidify. I guess I never knew that hope came in the form of a teenage girl. I never understood that maybe faith runs on coffee. I didn’t know it would hide a white-powdered nose. I didn’t know either that I’d been looking in the wrong places. Optimism doesn’t come from positive events. You earn joy through expecting it. I believe in the empty coffee cups, empty pills and shining star of a friend. They pile under my boat and hold it steady. It’s because I believe that they will not fail me. I will stay afloat.

I told Teagan she owed me a poem, and this is what she gave me. This is so beautiful and I love her so much.

I’m not the same person I used to be.

Only Melissa knows me anymore.